'Dear Friends' July 2007
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Monday, July 2, 2007
"Double-deckers" & "Saints"
Dear Friends,
You may have
heard of "the
sandwich generation," the term used for a
person
taking care of both a senior family member and
 someone
in the youngest generation. This week we visited with a
woman who could be called a "double-decker sandwich." Or
maybe a . . . "club sandwich." She was baby-sitting her
2-year-old grandson while her daughter and son-in-law were away for
a few days and she was still the primary caregiver for
her 90-year-old aunt.
We don't
know what catchy name is used for caregivers who are
taking care of a grandchild full-time or almost
full-time. That's certainly not unusual these days and,
to be sure, it's a challenge. If that's what you're
doing, check out what
AARP recommends.
In other
news around here, we marked the ninth anniversary of the
death of Bill's dad. Amazing how such a monumental event
can seem both so recent and so long ago. It brought to
mind what a wonderful teaching the Communion of Saints
is. (In the words of the Glossary of the Catechism of
the Catholic Church, it's: "The unity in Christ of
all the redeemed, those on earth and those who have
died.") You can read more about the Communion of Saints
here (CCC 946-962) and
here (CCC 1474-1477).
As
Catholics, we believe death doesn't stop love or a
loving relationship. Heaven knows that those in heaven
can continue to help those of us still on earth.
"Do not weep,
for I shall be more useful to you
after my death and I shall help you then
more effectively than during my life."
St. Dominic, dying, to his fellow members
of the Order of Preachers
"I want to spend
my heaven in doing good on earth."
St. Thérèse of Lisieux
God bless you!
Monica and Bill
To contact us
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FSJC
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donation
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Monday, July 9, 2007
Heading Home
Dear Friends,
We hope FSJC
members in the Northern Hemisphere are enjoying
 summer
and those in the Southern are doing all right this
winter. (Not a member yet? It's easy to join. And free.
Here's how.) We know that long-distance caregivers
travel throughout the year, no matter the season. This
week we want to highlight two topics that cover issues
related to visiting your loved one.
Long-distance
Caregiving
Preparing
Your Children to Visit Your Parent
God bless you!
Monica and Bill
To contact us
To join
FSJC
To make a
donation
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Monday, July 16, 2007
On-the-Job Training
Dear Friends,
Among the
many challenges of caregiving is the fact that every
caregiver is also a student going through on-the-job
training. It can
 seem
you always need to be learning something new and --
often -- learning it quickly. Tasks that were
intimidating at best, and impossible at worst, become
part of a daily routine. A year or six months ago, you
couldn't imagine giving another person shots,
transferring a loved one from a wheelchair to a car or a
bed, juggling doctors' and therapists' appointments, or
keeping track of a half dozen (or more) daily
medications. But here you are. Doing all that, and more.
Sometimes,
if your loved one's decline in health is gradual, you
can take it step by step at a not-to-unreasonable rate.
Other times, when your spouse or parent is being
discharged from the hospital, for example, that learning
curve can be mighty steep.
Two points
to keep in mind:
--Don't
hesitate to ask that health care professional if you
aren't sure about a particular aspect of your loved
one's care. What can seem confusing and frightening to
you may seem obvious and ordinary to that person. Ask
even though, from time to time, you may come across a
professional whose manner and attitude is anything
but professional. (We're reminded of the caregiver
who asked a specialist about a particular detail in her
loved one's care and was told "This isn't rocket
science" in a tone that implied any moron should have
understood what was just said. Hmmm . . . )
--If
your loved one is going to be leaving the hospital,
speak with the discharge planner as soon as possible.
This is the staff member
who figures out what
services your loved one will need and how frequently he
or she needs them. Don’t wait until the day your spouse
or parent is going home. Sometimes there’s not much
notice on "discharge day." So do some planning in
advance.
- - -
Again, we
invite and encourage you to become a member of the
Friends of St. John the Caregiver. You can read more
about that
here.
God
bless you!
Monica and Bill
To contact us
To join
FSJC
To make a
donation
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Monday, July 23, 2007
Dealing with Changes
Dear Friends,
Odds are you
have a favorite restaurant. And, at that place, you have
a favorite menu item. Trying a new place, or even a new
 entree,
can seem a little risky but -- sometimes -- we like to
shake things up a bit. While that's true . . . .
If we arrive at that restaurant and discover our
favorite item is no longer being served or, heaven
forbid, the restaurant closes, it can be more than a
little upsetting. Now where? Now what?
Folks who
study human behavior say that we humans can be a fussy
lot when it comes to change. On the one hand, we don't
like our lives to fall into a rut and become humdrum. On
the other, we don't like them to go through sudden,
unexpected change either.
As a
caregiver, it may help you to recognize that most of
your days fall into one of those two categories: routine
or . . . too exciting. (And, certainly, the same can
hold true for a care-receiver, too.) In either
circumstance, or any in between, it can help to pause --
if only for a moment -- to recognize the presence of
God.
The Church
teaches that God doesn't change. Day in and day out,
night in and night out, he loves you with an infinite
love. It will never stop. It will never waver. You are
precious to him. He takes delight in you. You can read
more about "The Spirituality of Caregiving and You" on
page two of "The Basic
of Catholic Caregiving."
- - -
This week
we're so pleased to welcome Tessa to the Friends of St.
John the Caregiver. Tessa is our first member who lives
in England. Again, we
invite and encourage you to become a member, too. You can read more
about that
here. (No meetings, no dues! Members agree to pray
for family caregivers and those receiving care.)
God
bless you!
Monica and Bill
To contact us
To join
FSJC
To make a
donation
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Monday, July 30, 2007
Caregiving is a Family Affair
Dear Friends,
This has
been a family-reunion summer for us. In June, Monica and
her siblings gathered to help an aunt celebrate a
birthday. This week
 Bill's
extended family is getting together, an event planned by
his sister to mark the anniversary of a family gathering
50 years ago. In keeping with that "family" theme,
here's a little excerpt from one of this Web site's
topics, "Caregiving is a Family Affair":
As a child you probably didn't like it when
others compared you to your siblings. Now, as an
adult caring for an aging parent, those
similarities and differences can continue to
influence the challenges your family is facing.
You and your siblings each have a unique
relationship with your parent. You've each
played particular roles in the family. Those
roles have been shaped over your lifetime. So
it’s not strange that we fall back into our
family roles when everyone gathers. You each
have unique abilities, life experiences and
training. You each have your own way of handling
things. Your own strengths and weaknesses. It's
a small wonder then that when it comes to
helping your mother or father, there may at
times be some differences of opinion, even some
friction.
You
can read the rest of topic here.
God
bless you!
Monica and Bill
To contact us
To join
FSJC
To make a
donation
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