The
beginning of June has us thinking about wedding
anniversaries, even though the two of us were married
in March!
Marking care-receivers' anniversaries and
celebrating their birthdays can be tricky for caregivers. (As
you may well know.)
This is from the beginning of a Topic on
YourAgingParent.com and a flier at
CatholicCaregivers.com:
Birthdays and anniversaries are wonderful
opportunities for fun, but your loved one may be
approaching a birthday with mixed emotions. Your dad
might have a great sense of accomplishment: "In
spite of all that I have been through, I have
survived. I have been richly blessed." But he might
also have a sense of confusion, anxiety, or even
dread: "I never expected to live this long. I didn't
plan to. I didn't want to. Why am I still here when
my wife and so many of my friends and relatives are
gone?"
What can you do to help? These are some suggestions:
You can read more as a
Topic or easily print the material from
CatholicCaregivers.com in a
one-page flier format.
- - -
Such is life . . . and death. In our
May 18 letter we
wrote about Washington state's physician-assisted
suicide law and included a
video
from the Washington State Catholic Conference. That
week, on May 21, the first person to make that choice
under the new law took her life
on the same day that John Peyton -- the pro-life
gentleman featured in the video who had ALS -- passed
away. In the video, John talks about what a difference
his family caregivers make in the short time he has left
to live.
“Caregivers
aren’t interested in tooting their own horns (even
if they had the time and energy to do so).”
- - -
This
week we welcome Lois P. of Pennsylvania to the Friends of
St. John the Caregiver. Please keep Lois and her
intentions in your prayers. She's promised to keep yours
in hers.
We invite you to join FSJC, too.
You can find out more about becoming
a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers). You can:
The
National Basketball Association finals this week between
the Los Angeles Lakers and the Orlando Magic offer
worthwhile
reminders to family caregivers.
First, it's a l-o-n-g season with a lot of
games. (The Lakers first game this season was October
7. The Magic's was a day earlier!)
Second, no teams has a perfect record and
no player has been error-free.
Third, it's not unusual that injuries --
including general wear and tear on a body -- force a
player to sit out some games, play fewer minutes per
game or not perform as well as he would like to. (And
thinks he should!)
Fourth, onlookers -- even ardent fans --
don't know what it's really like to be on the court
playing this particular game against this particular
opponent during this particular season.
Fifth, players don't win games. Teams win
games.
And when it comes to caregiving . . . .
First, typically, a care-receiver needs help over a lengthy period
of time. And the degree of assistance required
increases over that period.
Second, there are no perfect caregivers.
(No perfect healthcare staffs, no perfect hospitals,
nursing homes or assisted-living homes. No perfect
family members or "co-caregivers.")
Third, caregiving is tough on a mind, body,
heart and soul. Each gets its share of bumps and bruises
-- or worse -- during a "season." Over time,
seemingly small problems can mount up and take a toll.
Even so, it's very safe to speculate that every
caregiver wishes he or she could do more. Wishes he or
she was "better" at what he or she is already doing.
Fourth, your spouse, siblings, children . .
. . No one really knows what it's like for you to be the
caregiver for this particular care-receiver with these
particular needs at this particular time.
And, fifth, it's a wise, healthy and holy move
to get help from others. "Taking yourself out of the
game" for a few minutes and spending that time
"resting
on the bench" makes a huge difference. Relying on
others' skills, expertise, and plain old good-heartedness
to assist you not only can make your caregiving easier
but better, too.
There are differences, too, of
course, between an NBA player and a caregiver.
As a caregiver you don't have an arena
filled with fans cheering you on. But you (and your
loved one) are being prayed for, every day, by members
of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver.
And you weren't handed a
multimillion-dollar contract to become a caregiver. You
are, however, building up treasures in heaven "where
neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in
and steal" (Matthew
6:19-20).
God knows where your heart is. And that's
where your "signing bonus" is, too.
- - -
And
speaking of FSJC membership . . . .
This week we welcome Donne J. of New York as the
newest member. Please keep Donne and her intentions in
your prayers. She has promised to pray for yours.
We invite and encourage you to join if you
haven't already. You can find out more about becoming
a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers). You can:
Feeling Left Out Because You Weren't 'Non-invited'?
Dear Friends:
We recently sent all the members of the Friends of St.
John the Caregiver, and all donors to FSJC, a
"non-invitation" to our annual "non-event." We don't
want you to feel left out if you didn't get one because
we don't want you to come either.
How's that again?
Let's start with the "non-invitation":
Hmmm. An annual "non-event" to raise money.
What's in it for you? A very good question! Here are
some answers:
--a list of "'If this event really happened
. . . ' or 'I'm so glad I don't have to do this'"
--and a completely fake "Excerpt
from the minutes of the Feb. 12, 2009, Ad Hoc Dance
Marathon Committee meeting." Click
here and enjoy! (Really. You'll be glad you did.
We'll wait until you come back. OK. Ready? There's a
little more.)
There's no reason for you to feel left out.
Here's the
final item that was in that non-invitation envelope.
Thank you so much to all those who have
already made a donation. If you've been meaning
to, we offer this little reminder. And if you've never
considered it because you've never been asked, we're
asking you now.
- - -
And
speaking of FSJC membership . . . .
This week we welcome Warren H. of Louisiana as the
newest member. Please keep Warren and his intentions in
your prayers. He has promised to pray for yours.
We invite and encourage you to join if you
haven't already. You can find out more about becoming
a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers). You can:
One of our joys working with the Friends of St. John the
Caregiver is getting to know two amazing networks of
people: those
who
are promoting care for family caregivers; and those who,
through their generosity, are helping make this ministry
possible.
(Needless to say, those networks overlap!)
It's not unusual that we'll get an e-mail, note
or phone call asking for multiple hard copies of what's
offered on this site or on its sister sites (CatholicCaregivers.com
and FSJC.org). A
diocese is holding a function for caregivers, for
example; or a parish is putting together an "information
fair" on a variety of topics and among them is
caregiving.
These advocates for family caregivers --
these angels -- are providing a tremendous service that
we simply couldn't provide. Not only are they putting
their stamp of approval on what's offered here but
they're making it readily available to -- sometimes even
literally placing it in the hands of -- caregivers and
care-receivers.
And we're not forgetting the individual
caregivers who, after receiving, reviewing and using the
material offered here, take the next step and ask for
more copies for . . . .
A sister who's a caregiver, too. A fellow
parishioner who's helping a loved one. A neighbor
suddenly finding himself in the role of caregiving.
We know money can't buy that kind of
word-of-mouth advertising and promotion. (And consumers
rank nothing higher than that type of endorsement!) This week we again encourage you to
please ask for any of our material. We're happy --
really, we're happy -- to send you as many copies as you
need. Please, take a look at our
order form. As always, all the items and the
shipping are free. Really. No charge. Free!
How is that possible? Because of that
second network: the donors who continue to be so
generous to the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. (The
latest example is the wonderful response to our "2009
non-event." No, it's not too late for you look at
the
lighter side of the campaign or to make a
contribution!) Thank you, advocates. Thank you, donors.
You've made this ministry what it is today.
- - -
Again this
week we invite you to join the Friends of St. John the
Caregiver. You can find out more about becoming a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers). You can:
Saturday's celebration of Independence Day has us
thinking about relationships and dependencies. Here in
the United States, July
4 marks the anniversary of the
United States declaring its independence from England.
But, as historians can easily point out, that little
band of thirteen colonies wasn't without need of help
from other countries. And as political scientists have
no trouble showing now, in order to be successful,
countries still rely on strong and loyal allies.
On a much more personal level, there's the
myth of the rugged individual who takes pride in not
needing help from anyone, anytime. It's an appealing
thought -- the stuff of legend -- but it just isn't
true. You don't have to be a care-receiver to need
assistance: no one is totally independent. But when you
find yourself becoming a care-receiver it's a tough blow
to the ego as the independence/interdependence balance
shifts. Sometimes very quickly. Sometimes very
dramatically. And with that change -- with those changes
-- come a host of challenges for the one who needs care
and the one who provides it.
As a caregiver or a care-receiver, you know
that. You're living that.
Monica talks about
independence and interdependence in a video series
titled "From a Care-receiver's Point of View" (which you
can find on our YouTube channel,
JohnTheCaregiver;
or order as a --free!
-- DVD). Here's part one in that series:
- - -
Heading into July also means new material has been
posted at
CatholicCaregivers.com, our sister site that offers
material for dioceses, parishes and other groups. (Free
material, of course.)
This month's
flier is on "How to Nourish Your Spiritual Life."
There are new
Prayers of Intercession for Sunday Masses in July
and two new
Bulletin Briefs.
- - -
Thanks so much to all who donated to our Friends of St.
John the Caregiver "2009
non-event." (No, it's not too late for you look at
the
lighter side of the campaign or to make a
contribution! You can
donate on-line, if you prefer.)
- - -
Again this
week we invite you to join the Friends of St. John the
Caregiver. You can find out more about becoming a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers). You can:
Marking care-receivers' anniversaries and
celebrating their birthdays can be tricky for caregivers. (As
you may well know.)
video
from the Washington State Catholic Conference. That
week, on May 21, the first person to make that choice
under the new law took her life
reminders to family caregivers.
who
are promoting care for family caregivers; and those who,
through their generosity, are helping make this ministry
possible.
4 marks the anniversary of the
United States declaring its independence from England.
But, as historians can easily point out, that little
band of thirteen colonies wasn't without need of help
from other countries. And as political scientists have
no trouble showing now, in order to be successful,
countries still rely on strong and loyal allies.