Always a Parent: Worries About Adult Children
Maternal
or paternal instinct isn’t something that can be shut off once a
child reaches a certain age. In the midst of your concern for your
parent, he or she is also worried about you. That concern, that
love, has been a cornerstone in your relationship. It’s not about to
suddenly change now.
Your mother can’t help but worry
when she sees how much her problems and her needs stretch your
patience, your strength, your schedule. She knows you’re overworked,
frightened, and sad. You can tell her not to worry, but she does
anyway. She sees the truth.
Here are some things you can do to
help ease your parent’s mind — and yours:
--Talk with your parent during a
calm time. Let Dad know that if you feel there’s some part of caring
for him that you can’t handle, you will admit it and get help from
someone who can. Let him know that you’re going to take care of
yourself, too: by going to a support group or out with a friend.
Your parent will be happier knowing you’re looking out for yourself.
--Understand that Mom may suddenly
seem like such a busybody because you’re around her more than you
have been in recent years and she’s more aware of your daily ups and
downs. Maybe you’re upset because your child was sent to the
principal’s office this morning or the car repair isn’t going to be
completed for three more days. Your mother didn’t used to know about
these things in any detail. Now she does. When you’re down, for
whatever reason, she wants to solve the problem or offer possible
solutions. Gently thank her for her concern but let her know you can
handle it.
--Remember that you don’t have
control over your parent’s worry. Even though you reassure your dad
that he doesn’t have to worry, he does. You’ll say, “Don’t worry,”
and he’ll sit there and worry anyway.
