'Dear Friends' April 2008

Monday, April 7, 2008    Hearing from the East Coast and the Heartland Dear Friends,     Last week we were so pleased to hear from a number of caregivers in Brooklyn and in Iowa who read our Catholic News Service column on helping a family member who has dementia. We write a column for CNS every other week and "The Witness" in Dubuque and "The Tablet" in Brooklyn have been great about carrying it.     In the column we mention that free prayer books for caregivers are available and a number of folks took us up on the offer. Thank you to all who wrote. Please be assured that you and your loved ones are being remembered in the prayers of members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. - - -    One of the benefits of sending out the quarterly newsletter for the Friends of St. John the Caregiver (which we did last week) is that we hear back from a number of members and donors. It's good to catch up on what's happening with them and to receive their kind words of appreciation and encouragement.     You can find a copy of the latest newsletter here. It includes an order form for any of the material that's on our Web sites or for the prayers books and holy cards. There's also an order form here. Perhaps you know a caregiver who doesn't have access to the Internet but would like some of this material. Please give a copy of the form to him or her. You could also print out the Prayer Requests for January-March 2008. - - -     We've added one more checklist in the Topics section. It's "A Home Safety Checklist for Family Caregivers." - - -     As always, we want to mention that if you're not already a member of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver, we encourage you to join. You can find out more about becoming a member here.     No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for family caregivers and those in their care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).     God bless you!                                                       Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Past "Dear Friends" notes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monday, April 14, 2008    On the Receiving End of Care Dear Friends,     More than a few former caregivers have told us how challenging it is to become the recipient of another person's care. How much they would prefer to still be the "healthy one" who can offers support to a loved one.     Sometimes it's the little things that are tough. Not being able to handle filing the income taxes this year. (The numbers and forms are just too overwhelming.) Not being able to get out and work in the garden as the weather gets nicer. (The physical demands are just too strenuous.) Not being able to simply get up, unassisted, and walk across the room. (The body is just too weak, too fragile.)     No wonder emotions can run high if you're a care-receiver. In many ways, another person -- a healthy person -- just can't understand what it's like. Yes, there can be empathy, but it's not the same as living with that condition, those pains, the confusion, all day every day.     We have to confess that when we began the Friends of St. John the Caregiver two years ago, we focused so much on caregivers, there was little on care-receivers. Since then, thanks to the lessons shared by others and the wisdom they offered, we broadened the scope. Now -- always -- we ask FSJC members to pray for caregivers and those in their care. Each vocation -- though so interrelated -- has its own challenges and opportunities for growth and grace.     Among the topics offered here at YourAgingParent.com are several that focus on the care-receiver, including: "I don't want to be a burden"; Your Parent's Grief; Losses and Anger.     And, of course, we encourage those receiving care to form a devotion to Our Lady in Need: Prayer to Our Lady in Need, Patroness of Care-receivers My Dear Mother, as you stood at the foot of the cross in need of help, your Son asked St. John to become your caregiver. Be with me now in my time of need. Pray for me and for all care-receivers, that we can accept assistance from others as gratefully and graciously as you did. Amen.    - - -     We've added one more checklist in the Topics section. It's Elder Abuse Prevention Information. - - -     This week we're so happy to welcome four new members to the Friends of St. John the Caregiver: Sister Mary Ramona W. in Nebraska and Sister Susanne P. in Washington state (both of whom are Dominicans); Mary Kay B. in Maryland; and Mae M. in Texas. Please keep them and their intentions in your prayers. They have promised to pray for caregivers and those receiving care.     We invite -- and encourage -- you to become a member, too. You can find out more about becoming a member here.     No meetings, no dues. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).     God bless you!                                                       Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Past "Dear Friends" notes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monday, April 21 2008    Life's Meaning and Purpose Dear Friends,     We enjoyed watching the television coverage of Pope Benedict XVI's visit to the United States last week and were especially touched by his "Meeting with Young People Having Disabilities." Among the things he told them was:     "Sometimes it is challenging to find a reason for what appears only as a difficulty to be overcome or even pain to be endured.  Yet our faith helps us to break open the horizon beyond our own selves in order to see life as God does.  God’s unconditional love, which bathes every human individual, points to a meaning and purpose for all human life.  Through his Cross, Jesus in fact draws us into his saving love (see John 12:32) and in so doing shows us the way ahead - the way of hope which transfigures us all, so that we too, become bearers of that hope and charity for others."     As always, the prayers of the members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver are with parents and siblings of those helping a loved one who has special needs and with those in their care. - - -     Martha Stewart was among six witnesses testifying at an April 16th U.S. Senate Special Committee on Aging hearing titled "Caring For Our Seniors: How Can We Support Those On The Frontlines?". Here's an excerpt:     My professional life has been centered on the home, the well-being of the family and everything that these subjects encompass. When I began working in this area more than 25 years ago, the subject of homemaking as it relates to families was largely overlooked, though the interest was clearly broad and the desire for information strong. My colleagues and I soon discovered we were satisfying a deeply felt unmet need.     Today I see a similarly unmet need. Our aging relatives and the families who care for them yearn for basic information and resources. We all know this is a significant sector of our society: more than 75 percent of Americans receiving long-term care rely solely on family and friends to provide assistance. The majority of these caregivers are women, many of whom are also raising children. Often, these women are working outside the home as well.     I understand the challenges family caregivers face. My mother, Martha Kostyra, passed away last year at the age of 93. My siblings and I were fortunate that she was in good health almost until she died. Still, we came to know firsthand the number of issues that needed to be managed.     First, it’s difficult, especially in smaller cities and rural locations, to find doctors experienced in the specific needs that arise with age. Think of all that this includes: the effect of medications on elderly patients; how various medicines interact with each other; warning signs for depression and onsets of other conditions increasingly common in the elderly. How do we ensure that they take their medications? How do we help structure our parents’ lives so they can live independently for as long as possible? And how do we support the generation of caregivers who devote so much of themselves to their parents’ aging process?     This only touches on the myriad of issues, of course. Worry is the backdrop for everything these families do: What if the parent falls? What if she leaves the burners on? What if he takes his medications twice—or forgets to take them at all?     Now I am learning even more about the physical, emotional and financial toll that the experience can exact. Caring for an aging parent or loved one can be another full-time job. In fact, 43 percent of baby boomers have taken time off from work and 17 percent have reduced hours to help care for an aging parent. They do this at a time when their expenses are rising. One recent study found that half of those caring for a family member or friend 50 years or older are spending, on average, more than 10 percent of their annual income on caregiving expenses. Many dip into savings and cut back on their own health care spending to cover the bill. Is it any wonder that family caregivers are at increased risk of developing depression, anxiety, insomnia and chronic illnesses?     You can read more here. - - -     Thank you to the staff and parishioners at Sacred Heart Church in Lacey, Wash. They invited us to be guests at their Parish Health Fair on Sunday, April 20. This was our third visit to the parish and we've always received a warm welcome. - - -     And, of course, we invite you to become a member of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. You can find out more about becoming a member here.     No meetings, no dues. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).     God bless you!                                                       Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Past "Dear Friends" notes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monday, April 28, 2008    The Warning Signs of Stress Dear Friends,     With so much talk these days about stress -- and so much stress in daily life -- it seems amazing that sometimes we don't recognize the symptoms when we're the one dealing with it! Amazing . . . but true.      Here are some warning signs that stress is taking its toll: –You feel angry or irritable and just want to deny the whole situation is even happening. –You feel as if you don’t have the time or energy to "waste" on pleasant activities, and you become more isolated. –You find it hard to concentrate because you are constantly thinking about your loved one’s needs and what you have to do. –You feel more and more depressed. –Even though you are exhausted, you have problems sleeping. -You start to develop health problems of your own.      Here's where you can read more about Caregiving Stress: Warning Signs and Tips for the Caregiver. Both topics are included in the May edition of "Catholic Caregivers" at our sister site, CatholicCaregivers.com. That's where you'll also find the latest Prayers of Intercession and Bulletin Briefs. - - -     Please join us in welcoming the newest members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. "Hello" to Eleanor K. in New York and Annette T. in Louisiana. Please keep them and their intentions in your prayers. They have promised to pray for caregivers and those receiving care.    And, of course, we invite you to join, too! You can find out more about becoming a member here.     No meetings, no dues. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).     God bless you!                                                       Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Past "Dear Friends" notes