Dear Friends:
Members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver around
the world are praying for you and your care-receiver this Easter, and always.
You remain in my prayers.
God bless you.
Bill
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"Dear Friends"
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"Among Friends" quarterly newsletter
Weeks of April 8 and 15, 2013
Prayer Requests
Marking Those
Special,
Personal Days
Dear Friends:
By now fewer people are asking you how your Easter was.
What you did, where you went, whom you saw. As you may
well know, for many caregivers major holy days/holidays
take more planning than they did in years past. And
often, harder still, is marking a care-receiver's
"personal days": a birthday, a wedding anniversary, the
day a loved one died, and so on.
(And, I'm coming to better realize, the
same can hold true for those still grieving the death of
a loved one, for former caregivers. On March 31 our
family celebrated Easter without Monica. This week
we're marking her birthday. We're figuring out how to do
that.)
This is how the Topic "Celebrating
Birthdays and Anniversaries" begins:
Birthdays and anniversaries are wonderful
opportunities for fun, but your loved one may be
approaching a birthday with mixed emotions. Your dad
might have a great sense of accomplishment: “In
spite of all that I have been through, I have
survived. I have been richly blessed.” But he might
also have a sense of confusion, anxiety, or even
dread: “I never expected to live this long. I didn’t
plan to. I didn’t want to. Why am I still here when
my wife and so many of my friends and relatives are
gone?”
What can you do to help? These are some suggestions:
--Let your care-receiver take the lead. Maybe this year
your wife would like
the extended family to gather to celebrate her turning “the big
Eight-O.” Or maybe she wants only a quiet lunch with you and the
immediate family. Ask.
--Listen. Your loved one may be feeling depressed as this
emotionally charged day approaches. When he or she mutters, “I wish
I had gone. It’s time for me to go,” don’t immediately respond,
“Don’t say that!” This isn’t a time to argue. Just tell your
care-receiver
why you’re glad he or she is still around. The greatest birthday
gift of all might be for you to finally say out loud, “This is what
you mean to me . . . This is what you mean to my children . . .”
--Think about the right gift. It isn’t always easy finding out
what a loved one wants for a birthday present. Your first several
inquiries may be quickly shot down with “I want to be younger” or “I
want my health back.” In a sense, he or she is responding
honestly. Often a good present isn’t one that’s bought. It may be
something that gives the two of you time together. It could be
arranging to go out to lunch once a month over the next year.
Perhaps it’s planning to come over with the kids to fix Mom’s or
Dad’s favorite meal. It could be taking your spouse to a “First
Friday” or Sunday morning Mass at the old parish. It could be
arranging to have an extraordinary minister of the Eucharistic
bring Holy Communion to Mom
or Dad at home if your parent isn’t able to leave the house. Gifts
like these can mean so much more to your loved one.
You can read more of the Topic
here.
- - -
This week
we're so pleased to welcome John B. of Texas
as the newest member of the Friends of St. John the
Caregiver. Please keep him and his intentions in your
prayers. He has promised to pray for you and yours.
And we cordially invite you to join
the Friends of St. John
the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include
YourAgingParent.com and
CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about
becoming a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers).
You can:
sign up on-line here
or call us toll-free at
1-800-392-JOHN (5646)
or
print and mail an application form.
God
bless you!
Bill
To
contact us
To
join
FSJC
To make a
donation
To view or make
prayer
requests
Materials
order form
Past
"Dear Friends"
letters
"Among Friends" quarterly newsletter
Weeks of April 22 and 29, 2013
Prayer Requests
Dealing with
Caregiver
-- and Care-receiver -- Anger
Dear Friends:
This week we want to highlight a
Topic that begins this way:
At times, anger can be a dominant emotion in the
caregiver/care-receiver relationship for many
reasons. Reasons that would be easier to identify
and understand if both people weren’t already so
drained, both physically and emotionally.
From your loved one’s point of view, there have
been so many changes and so many losses, his or her
life seems out of control.
In the case of an aging parent, for example, Dad
can feel angry because he thinks you owe him
something in return for all his years of parenting
and he may not think he’s getting a fair shake.
From your point of view, you’re angry at what’s
happening to your loved one whose health continues
to deteriorate. You want to reverse it, or at least
stop it, but you can’t. You may, at times, want to
ignore the whole situation.
You might be mad at Mom for getting old. Mad at your spouse for
fighting you when you try to help. Mad at
health-care professionals who may be doing their job
all right but don’t seem to understand that this is
your loved one and that makes it different.
Mad at your other family members who seem to be
doing nothing or doing only the wrong things. And
mad at God when you can’t see what the point to all
this is and you lay the blame on him.
You can read more here. In its
Flier format, we included this at the end:
Advice from
St. Francis de Sales
(1567-1622, feast day Jan. 24).
“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have
patience with yourself."
Amen to that!
- - -
Again this week we cordially invite you to join
the Friends of St. John
the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include
YourAgingParent.com and
CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about
becoming a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers).
You can:
sign up on-line here
or call us toll-free at
1-800-392-JOHN (5646)
or
print and mail an application form.
God
bless you!
Bill
To
contact us
To
join
FSJC
To make a
donation
To view or make
prayer
requests
Materials
order form
Past
"Dear Friends"
letters
"Among Friends" quarterly newsletter
