There are a lot of reasons families can be wondering if
it's time to make a move. To take the next step. (Even
when they aren't sure
what that "next step" could be. Or
should be.)
If you're a long-distance caregiver, maybe
you traveled to be with your aging parent this
Christmas. And discovered his or her needs had increased
and abilities had diminished.
If you're helping take care of your spouse,
perhaps the recent harsh weather left the two of you
stranded at home for a while. And you realized now might
be the time to move on to a retirement home or assisted-living facility. (No worries about the furnace or
electricity going out, about getting to the store, about
fixing meals.)
If your care-receiver is living with you,
it could be the natural "let down" after the holidays
means his or her health seems to have taken a sharp
downward turn. (We all tend to get pumped up and go, go,
go as much as we can -- caregivers and care-receivers
alike -- during the holidays.)
Or maybe, as a loved one's needs increased
over time, everyone in the family knew this Christmas -- how
could it come so fast and pass so quickly? -- had to be
the last one under the present living conditions
and now it's time to seriously consider making necessary
changes.
For caregivers and those in their care
-- for all of us! -- change is hard. No wonder we try to
avoid it. Yes, everything remaining the same can be
monotonous (we can fall into a rut), but monotonous is
never frightening.
And change can be terrifying. Just the
thought of change can grip us in fear.
If you and your loved one are thinking
about what comes next, if it seems it may be time to
take that step, to make a change, these Topics may help:
Thank you to
Liguorian Magazine for including our article
("Caring for the Caregiver") in the January issue.
(We've been subscribers for years.) We were delighted
that they featured "A
Caregiver's Prayer" as a sidebar article.
- - -
And
-- as we wrote last week -- thank you, too, to all those who sent us Christmas
cards and who donated to this year's Annual Appeal. It's
been wonderful.
No, it's not to late to make a
contribution. (Are you kidding!) We encourage you to
send in your donation if you've been meaning to do that.
We've posted both
the Annual
Appeal
letter and the
donor form.
- - -
Join us in welcoming the newest members of the
Friends of St. John the Caregiver: Milagros M. in
Florida, Ursula A. in Texas, and Mary R. in New Mexico. Please keep them and
their intentions in
your prayers. They've promised to pray for caregivers
and those receiving care.
Again this week we invite you to join, too.
You can find out more about becoming
a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers). You can:
Last week a caregiver was telling us about her concern.
She had to tell her mom -- who's in her 90s -- that a
good friend of the
family had been diagnosed with cancer
and had only a short time to live. We promised to pray
for all three and, hearing back from the caregiver a
little later, were told the caregiver's mom had met the
sad news head-on with strength, with sorrow and with
faith.
The pair talked about their friend and
about other hard times and heartaches. And they set up a
date, a few days later, to visit their friend who had
been moved to a nursing home.
Because the senior members of our
family -- especially those who need caregiving -- have
lost physical strength and, sometimes, mental alertness,
it's easy to overlook the fact that they often retain an
inner strength that's been built up over many decades.
There's a core that's astounding.
Of course, the amount of that inner
strength varies from person to person but, generally
speaking, elders can still shock the younger generations
with how well they handle and accept whatever life has
most recently thrown at them or at one of their loved
ones.
That's one reason -- among many --
it's a bad idea for families to keep secrets when
it comes to caregiving. We've written about "Keeping
Secrets, Telling Lies"
here and
it's also a video on our YouTube channel,
JohnTheCaregiver.
Here is that video:
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Thank you to the many people who joined the
Friends of St. John the Caregiver this week!
Join us in welcoming Don F. in
Kansas, Emma R. in California, Emma S. and Richard A. in
Florida, Margarita N. in Virginia, and Julia G. in
Pennsylvania.
Please keep them and
their intentions in
your prayers. They've promised to pray for caregivers
and those receiving care.
Again this week we invite you to join, too.
You can find out more about becoming
a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers). You can:
To hear some people tell it, Barak Obama is just this
side of a national messiah and his presidency is going
to be one of the best --
if not the best -- ever.
To hear others, his election in November was close to a
national disaster and the next four years are going to
be grim . . . or worse.
Mr. Obama's inauguration this Tuesday got
us thinking about what it's like for a caregiver and a
care-receiver to be starting with someone new.
A primary physician retires. A nursing home
director is replaced. A homecare worker finds another
job that pays more. A dentist relocates far across town.
A neighborhood pharmacist closes his store, the victim
of a chain-store juggernaut.
There's an uncertainty there. A concern.
Even if the person who's leaving wasn't a favorite,
there's the old saying "better the devil you know than
the one you don't know." You appreciated his or her
strengths and had learned to live with the weaknesses.
(A brilliant mind, for example, coupled with a blunt
manner.)
It could be said the odds are in your
favor: two to one. Either you'll like her more, like her
the same or like her less. But that's not really
accurate. It may be you'll like her less to begin with
but, over time, it will be a good fit. For your
care-receiver and for you. This person will come to be
someone you trust by proving herself trustworthy. By
providing compassionate care. By being a skilled
healthcare provider.
That takes time, of course.
The same holds true for you and for your
loved one in the roles you have now. If you're new to
caregiving, if you're new to care-receiving, it takes
time to adjust. It's good to remember that when you're
the "someone new," your care-receiver (if you're a
caregiver) or your caregiver (if you're a care-receiver)
is a little worried about all this. About you as a
caregiver or a care-receiver.
Then, too, while those titles may stay the
same, the "job descriptions" can change, can't they? A
caregiver may need to provide more help. A care-receiver
may need to accept it. That takes adjusting, too. That
takes time.
That takes patience and trust and,
probably, a good sense of humor at times. That takes
prayer.
And that takes love which is why, without a
doubt, the odds are in your favor for both of you.
- - -
Please join us in welcoming the newest members of
the
Friends of St. John the Caregiver this week!
"Hello" to Mary W. in Ontario, Linda
Y. in Hawaii and Eileen F. in South Carolina.
Please keep them and
their intentions in
your prayers. They've promised to pray for caregivers
and those receiving care.
Again this week we invite you to join, too.
You can find out more about becoming
a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers). You can:
January 2009 marks the third anniversary of the Friends
of St. John the Caregiver. YourAgingParent.com began in
2004 but it wasn't
until
2006 that FSJC -- the umbrella for YourAgingParent.com,
CatholicCaregivers.com and FSJC.org -- became a
non-profit organization. That same year it received a
501(c)(3) designation.
Since then hundreds of members have joined
from 35 states and eight countries. Each has promised to
pray for caregivers and care-receivers.
Which states and countries? We have a
map and flags that illustrate both as the front page for
the
January 2009 newsletter.
Thank you to all FSJC members and to
those who support this ministry. May God bless each and
every one of you and your loved ones.
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And speaking of members . . .
This week we want to welcome Rosie M. in
Maryland, Linda F. in Washington, Linda H. in
Pennsylvania and Ruth V. in Massachusetts.
Please keep them and their intentions in
your prayers. They've promised to pray for caregivers
and those receiving care.
Again this week we invite you to join, too.
You can find out more about becoming
a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers). You can:
“What a sick person needs, besides medical care, is
love, the human and supernatural warmth with which
the sick person can and ought to be surrounded by
all those close to him or her, parents and children,
doctors and nurses.” --Declaration on Euthanasia,
Sacred Congregation for the Doctrine of the
Faith,
1980
what that "next step" could be. Or
should be.)
family had been diagnosed with cancer
and had only a short time to live. We promised to pray
for all three and, hearing back from the caregiver a
little later, were told the caregiver's mom had met the
sad news head-on with strength, with sorrow and with
faith.
if not the best -- ever.
To hear others, his election in November was close to a
national disaster and the next four years are going to
be grim . . . or worse.
until
2006 that FSJC -- the umbrella for YourAgingParent.com,
CatholicCaregivers.com and FSJC.org -- became a
non-profit organization. That same year it received a
501(c)(3) designation.