Week of July 1, 2013
Prayer Requests
Respecting Your
Care-receiver's
-- Dwindling --Independence
Dear Friends:
The celebration of Independence Day this week in the
United States had me thinking about a
Topic that looks at a
care-receiver's personal independence. On the long list
of "this isn't easy when it comes to caregiving" is
balancing your loved one's God-given right to
self-determination and stepping in when and where he or
she needs help.
The topic begins this way:
It shouldn’t be a surprise that you and your loved
one don’t always agree on what’s best for him or
her. No two people agree on everything all the time.
When conflict arises, what can you do? As you make your
decisions, it’s helpful if you keep in mind these
guidelines:
● Encourage and allow independence.
A part of growing to adulthood is accepting, and
sometimes demanding, independence. An illness or
mental deterioration can mean the chipping away of
that personal freedom. A goal for you as a caregiver
is to delay or to minimize that erosion. Your role
is to offer assistance that helps your loved one
remain as independent as possible.
That means you don’t take over tasks or make decisions
that person can still handle. For example, don’t
dress her in the morning just because it would take
you only five minutes but it takes her twenty. Don’t
decide he needs a lifestyle that is as active as his
health will allow when what he really wants is a
quieter schedule because he’s lived a long and
hectic life and now he wants to rest. . . .
You can read more here.
And it's in a Word document format
here and PDF
here.
- - -
Thank you so much to the many people who called and sent
notes of condolences to me and the family after reading
in the
Spring-Summer edition of "Among Friends" -- the
newsletter of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver --
that Monica had passed away in early January.
We knew that many were already aware of this but some
hadn't yet heard the news.
- - -
Again
this week we cordially invite you to join
the Friends of St. John
the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include
YourAgingParent.com and
CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about
becoming a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers).
You can:
sign up on-line here
or call us toll-free at
1-800-392-JOHN (5646)
or
print and mail an application form.
God
bless you!
Bill
To
contact us
To
join
FSJC
To make a
donation
To view or make
prayer
requests
Materials
order form
Past
"Dear Friends"
letters
"Among Friends" quarterly newsletter
Week of July 8 2013
Prayer Requests
A Papal Pat on the
Back
to Caregivers
Dear Friends:
Last week Pope Francis offered a pat on the back to
caregivers in his homily marking the feast of St. Thomas
the Apostle (July 3). Reflecting on Jesus' telling
Thomas to touch his wounded hands and side (John
20:24-29), the pope said:
"We find Jesus’ wounds in carrying out works of
mercy, giving to . . . the body -- the soul too,
but, I stress, the body -- of your wounded brother,
because he is hungry, because he is thirsty, because
he is naked, because it is humiliated, because he is
a slave, because he's in jail, because he is in the
hospital. Those are the wounds of Jesus today. And
Jesus asks us to take a leap of faith, toward Him,
but through these His wounds.
"'Oh, great! Let's set up a foundation to help everyone
and do so many good things to help.' That's
important, but if we remain on this level, we will
only be philanthropic.
"We need to touch the wounds of Jesus, we must caress
the wounds of Jesus, we need to bind the wounds of
Jesus with tenderness, we have to kiss the wounds of
Jesus, and this literally. Just think of what
happened to St. Francis, when he
embraced the leper. The same thing that happened
to Thomas: his life changed."
When you "touch the wounds" of your care-receiver, when
you offer that help in so many ways, you're doing what
the pope describes and encourages. And, as you know so
well, your life is changed.
You can find more on the sermon
here.
- - -
This week we're so pleased to welcome Jeanne B., Jane G.
of California, Red M. of Arizona, Cheryl W. of Georgia,
and Chris M. of New Jersey as
the newest members of the Friends of St. John the
Caregiver. Please keep them and their intentions in your
prayers. They have promised to pray for you and yours.
And we cordially invite you to join
the Friends of St. John
the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include
YourAgingParent.com and
CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about
becoming a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers).
You can:
sign up on-line here
or call us toll-free at
1-800-392-JOHN (5646)
or
print and mail an application form.
God
bless you!
Bill
To
contact us
To
join
FSJC
To make a
donation
To view or make
prayer
requests
Materials
order form
Past
"Dear Friends"
letters
"Among Friends" quarterly newsletter
Week of July 15, 2013
Prayer Requests
Caregiving and Trusting God
'One Day at a Time'
Dear Friends:
One piece of advice that helped me a lot during the last
year of Monica's life, when we knew it was her last
year, came from cousin. (Well, technically a
cousin-in-law.) Her husband, my cousin Steve, died of
cancer in 2005. In an e-mail to Monica and me in early
2012, she wrote: "I always try to take it one day at a
time and to trust God."
Yes, both can seem obvious but, as you probably have
learned, each can be challenging.
At times, trusting in God seems a bit like
free-falling. At times, having faith in him isn't about
"feeling" but about "choosing." It's deciding, today,
right now, to trust him even when it can appear that
most, if not all, evidence points to the contrary.
In a sense, it's believing while seriously doubting.
And that is powerful believing.
The "day at a time" applies in a lot of areas of our
lives but, overcome with the multiple demands of
caregiving, the obvious can easily be overlooked. Yes,
you have to think about and make plans -- as best as
possible -- for what's coming up, but not become
consumed by it.
This video features Monica reciting a prayer by St.
Francis de Sales that offers advice on focusing on today
and trusting in our loving God.
- - -
This week we're so pleased to welcome Sharon K. of
Florida and Linda C. of Missouri as
the newest members of the Friends of St. John the
Caregiver. Please keep them and their intentions in your
prayers. They have promised to pray for you and yours.
And we cordially invite you to join
the Friends of St. John
the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include
YourAgingParent.com and
CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about
becoming a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers).
You can:
sign up on-line here
or call us toll-free at
1-800-392-JOHN (5646)
or
print and mail an application form.
God
bless you!
Bill
To
contact us
To
join
FSJC
To make a
donation
To view or make
prayer
requests
Materials
order form
Past
"Dear Friends"
letters
"Among Friends" quarterly newsletter
Week of July 22, 2013
Prayer Requests
Your 'Personal Pilgrimage'
as a Caregiver
Dear Friends:
Over the past six months I've been reading a lot
about
grieving and have decided that, in many ways, this first
year after Monica's death in January is like a
personal pilgrimage. I've come to realize the
same is true for caregiving.
Both those words are important.
It's personal.
What you experience as a caregiver isn't identical to
what your brother and sister may experience, even if all
three of you are helping Mom or Dad. You bring your own
skills, strengths, and weaknesses to it. You have your
own other obligations and concerns. And you have a
unique relationship with your parent.
In the same way, if you're caring for your spouse your
caregiving experience is one-of-a-kind because your
marriage, your relationship, your spouse, is
one-of-a-kind.
And, of course, coupled with this is the fact that each
care-receiver's needs are unique, as are his or her
strengths and weaknesses.
How is this experience like a pilgrimage?
It's physically and emotionally demanding. For many
caregivers, it's daily. It's moving into the unknown,
which can be frightening. Along the way there are others
-- family members, clergy, healthcare professionals, "veteran"
caregivers -- who can offer tremendous and much-needed
help but there can still be that sense it's the two of
you, just the two of you, making this journey.
Or the sense that it's just you alone because
care-receiving is, in many ways, its own path.
And, for many caregivers, there's a spiritual side to this. A
turning to God, a growing closer to him, an increasing
of the awareness of him in one's life right here, right
now. Sometimes that new intimacy includes begging for
his help. Sometimes it's screaming in anger at him. And
sometimes it's surrendering to what's referred to as
"his will," even as your will for your loved one is so
very, very different.
Members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver around
the world are praying for you and your care-receiver.
Both of you remain in my prayers.
- - -
This week we're so pleased to welcome Susan L. and Diane W. of
California, and Cookie H. of Illinois as
the newest members of the Friends of St. John the
Caregiver. Please keep them and their intentions in your
prayers. They have promised to pray for you and yours.
And we cordially invite you to join
the Friends of St. John
the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include
YourAgingParent.com and
CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about
becoming a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers).
You can:
sign up on-line here
or call us toll-free at
1-800-392-JOHN (5646)
or
print and mail an application form.
God
bless you!
Bill
To
contact us
To
join
FSJC
To make a
donation
To view or make
prayer
requests
Materials
order form
Past
"Dear Friends"
letters
"Among Friends" quarterly newsletter
Week of July 29, 2013
Prayer Requests
Caregiving Is a Family Affair
Dear Friends:
One of the choices for
today's Gospel on the feast of St. Martha is the
story of her complaining to Jesus that she's handling
all the work and her sister Mary is just sitting around.
Jesus points out Mary's doing much more than that but I
think another lesson, one for family caregivers, is that
friction among siblings is nothing new.
Even a saint can get miffed at a sister or brother.
This is from a Topic titled
"Caregiving Is a Family Affair":
As a child you probably didn't like it when others
compared you to your siblings. Now, as an adult
caring for an aging parent, those similarities and
differences can continue to influence the challenges
your family is facing.
You and your siblings each have a unique relationship
with your parent. You've each played particular
roles in the family. Those roles have been shaped
over your lifetime. So it’s not strange that we fall
back into our family roles when everyone gathers.
You each have unique abilities, life experiences and
training. You each have your own way of handling
things. Your own strengths and weaknesses.
It's a small wonder then that when it comes to helping
your mother or father, there may at times be some
differences of opinion, even some friction.
Caregiving Is a Family Affair
includes some
points to consider about dealing with family conflict
over caring for an aging parent.
- - -
This week we're so pleased to welcome Mary S. of
Nebraska as the newest member of the Friends of St. John the
Caregiver. Please keep her and her intentions in your
prayers. She has promised to pray for you and yours.
And we cordially invite you to join
the Friends of St. John
the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include
YourAgingParent.com and
CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about
becoming a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers).
You can:
sign up on-line here
or call us toll-free at
1-800-392-JOHN (5646)
or
print and mail an application form.
God
bless you!
Bill
To
contact us
To
join
FSJC
To make a
donation
To view or make
prayer
requests
Materials
order form
Past
"Dear Friends"
letters
"Among Friends" quarterly newsletter
