Self-determination: It's still your
loved one's life, not yours. You're there to assist, not
take over. As long as your parent, spouse, family member or
friend is competent, he or she should be included in decisions
and those choices should be respected.
Normalization: A basic goal for you is to
help your care-receiver continue to lead the same lifestyle he
or she has been leading and wants to keep leading (provided, of
course, that lifestyle is not undermining his or her health or
safety).
Individualization: Just because your friend
did this or that for her loved one, it doesn't mean it's best
for your care-receiver. And what was good for a loved one you
were helping in the past, may not be what's good for the person
you're helping now.
Communication: Planning early and talking
often -- even about difficult subjects -- will help you and your
loved one avoid having to work things out in the middle of a
crisis.
Support: There are a number of support
systems for both you and your care-receiver. In addition to
family, friends, neighbors and members of the parish, both
professional and peer-group systems of support can be extremely
helpful.
Use of Resources: You don't have to reinvent
the wheel. There are lots of resources and services available.
Researching can be challenging but it's worth the effort.
Remember there are resources and services for both your loved
one and you, the caregiver.
Solutions: Most often there are no quick
fixes to your loved one's increasing needs. There are no simple
answers. Keep in mind that even the best solution is only
temporary. As his or her situation changes, and it will, even
the best answer will have to be reviewed and reworked.
Minimum to maximum: If there is resistance,
start with the most basic and critical help needed. Stick with
only that and keep it very limited. Then, gradually increase
services to cover more things. This approach helps with your
loved one's comfort level and it also helps you evaluate how
things are going and what more may be needed.
Ongoing process: The aging process never
stops and each step along the way can bring new challenges for
both you and your loved one. As your care-receiver's health
deteriorates, your traditional roles (as a couple with the wife
handling one set of tasks and the husband taking care of
another, for example) may continue to fluctuate or (as adult and
child) reverse. These changes are new for both of you and can
seem overwhelming. Remember that neither of you has to be an
expert at this. Both of you can learn together
Prayer: As is true when facing so many of
life's challenges, the best coping strategy includes turning to
prayer. Pray for your loved one, that he or she can accept what
is happening and find comfort. Pray for yourself, that you will
have the strength to do the many tasks before you. Pray that
both you and your care-receiver will have wisdom when decisions
need to be made. Pray that you both will feel the love of God,
our heavenly Father. Pray for your fellow caregivers. Pray,
right here, right now.