Saying Good-bye to the Family Home
In
the unfolding seasons that are a part of caregiving and
care-receiving, many families find themselves saying good-bye to the
family home.
It’s a special time in the life of a family. It’s a time to
remember what has been and what is passing away. There will be no
more Thanksgiving meals in that dining room, with the parents and
grandparents sitting elbow to elbow at the table with its extra
leaves, and the kids giggling at their own, fun table. There will be
no more placing the Christmas tree (a big one when Mom gets to pick
it, a small one when it’s Dad’s turn) in that corner.
Sometimes the move can be bittersweet. Mom is leaving—and
that’s difficult—but she’s moving into a lovely smaller home or
apartment. She’s bought a condominium. She’s going to a retirement
community that better suits her needs now. She’s heading for a
warmer climate.
Sometimes sorrow can dominate the move. Dad isn’t able to take
care of the house anymore. Taxes, insurance, and maintenance on the
house take too big a bite from a fixed income. The neighborhood has
changed; it’s no longer safe. Mom has passed away and Dad really
isn’t able to live alone. For the widow or widower, saying good-bye
to the family home can feel like having to say good-bye again to
that loving spouse. This was their house, from the time they first
saw it on the market until long after the paperwork for the mortgage
was burned. They were partners here. It’s very sad to leave.
If your family is getting ready to say good-bye to the family
home, here are a few things you can do:
--Let your parent choose what comes with her and what goes.
What is junk to you may have a lot of sentimental value to her.
--Lend a hand. Dad may need your help sorting and
packing; moving takes a lot of work, and there’s always a lot of
worry involved. (And you may finally have to do something with those
boxes of your stuff you’ve been storing in his basement or attic.)
--Preserve the memories. Take some pictures of the
inside and the outside of the house. Of course the family has taken
hundreds of snapshots there for years and years, but maybe not of
each bedroom, the family room, the basement. This house is part of
your family’s history. Better still, walk around with a video
camera. Let the family join you for a running commentary: “Here’s
where we kept track of how tall each child was.” “This is the window
that was broken twice in the same week by the same baseball.” “Dad
built this bedroom onto the back of the house after Susan was born.”
--Come together for one last meal to say good-bye.
Sometimes families make it a final Thanksgiving, Christmas, or
Easter dinner, or a meal for a parent’s birthday. It’s an
opportunity to share memories, to laugh and to cry.
--Don’t forget that a house is only a structure. It’s
the people and the love they’ve shared that have made this place so
special. Those people, that love, aren’t being left behind; they’re
simply moving to a new address. Remember, the home didn’t make the
family; the family made the home. And the family is still here.
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