The 'Sandwich Generation'
The "sandwich generation"
is a good description. There's pressure from both sides and
sometimes it gets messy in the middle. That's what it can feel like
if you're taking care of not only your children but your aging
parent as well.
Add in a spouse and a job
and it's no wonder it often seems a twenty-four-hour day and
seven-day week just aren't enough for all you have to do.
Then, too, from the time
all of us were little we were taught there is a right way and a
wrong way to accomplish a task. To meet -- and overcome --
challenge. Maybe your parent took care of Grandma or Grandpa. Your
spouse took care of your mother- or father-in-law. Your friends or
co-workers seem to be able to handle their situations. But you . . .
.
When you realize, when it
becomes so painfully obvious, you can't do all the things you're
supposed to do -- all the things other people have done or are
doing--you feel so inadequate. So guilty.
You think you're letting
everyone down. If you just worked a little harder. Slept a little
less. Sacrificed a little more. Then somehow . . . .
If you find yourself in
that situation, or feel yourself sinking into it, these suggestions
might help:
--Remember there is no
single "right" way to do this. Trying to exactly mimic what another
person has done probably isn't going to work. Each case is unique
because the personalities and problems in each case are unique.
--If you don't take care
of yourself -- take time to eat, sleep, catch your breath and pray
-- you will burn out quickly and be of little use to anyone,
including yourself. The situation in which you find yourself is not
a sprint, it's a marathon. Yes, someday it will end but that may be
a long, long time from now. In the meantime, if you do not pace
yourself, sometimes even pamper yourself, you won't be able to keep
going. That's not because you're weak, it's because you're human.
--The big picture can
look and feel overwhelming. Sometimes it helps to break it down into
the many tiny pieces that make up the whole. What you have to do for
your parent. Your children. Your spouse. Your job. Yourself. The
lists may be long but somehow no single item is overpowering.
--Prioritize your tasks.
Making those lists helps. Obviously, getting Mom to her doctor's
appointment is more important than vacuuming her apartment.
--Give away some of the
low-priority duties. Someone else can be hired to do the apartment
cleaning. Someone else -- the bakery department at the local grocery
store -- can supply the brownies you're supposed to send to the next
Cub Scout den meeting.
--Get support for
yourself. Groups for caregivers and organizations that focus on your
parent's particular illness or condition can help you deal with what
you are facing. Doctors, social workers and the Area Agency on Aging
can give you local contacts.
--Write it down. Dates
and schedules and all that information from doctors, therapists,
pharmacists, teachers, coaches, your boss, your spouse, your kids .
. . . There's no way a person can remember all the things you need
to remember.
It may seem the day is
completely packed but if you jot down your own "to do" list, you may
discover there's half an hour free here. Twenty minutes there. A
little oasis like that gives you something to look forward to. A
short break to at least partially recharge your batteries before you
have to go, go, go again.